<Kai and Naran are meeting in the Arena for her first class. Need to catch up? Find the previous chapters here: Table of Contents >
The Arena looks peaceful without the hordes of visitors entering. There are no decorations, there is no music filling the air, and even the flags on the outer walls have been taken down.
This walk through the tunnel differs greatly from the first time I experienced it. I don’t feel abnormally wonderful, my perception of sound doesn’t change, nor are the candles at the exit floating in front of the wall. Other than losing the light, nothing happens. It feels just like a regular tunnel giving me a regular feeling. No Didelian magic show detected.
Once inside, I hardly recognize the space. It looks even bigger in the daylight. Thousands of dark red velvet chairs are arranged in tiers about fifty rows high, but the decorations are gone, and only silence fills the emptiness between the gigantic stone walls. Perhaps the magic doesn’t work while it is light outside… I notice I’m disappointed.
Kai is waiting for me in the center of the space. As I approach, my insecurity immediately returns, and I decide to linger, turning in a few small circles. From the middle of the Arena, I get a good view of the building as a whole. I look at the towers, and from this perspective I notice how large the balconies are. “Ceremonial purposes,” Swaying Swenron had said. I wonder what that means.
Kai walks toward me and looks up at the balconies.
“It would be fun to see your shows from there.”
“It is! But we hardly use the towers to watch shows.” An honest answer. “You will get to visit the towers, but just not yet. Not until you are ready.”
I wonder what he means by that and how long it will take to get ready.
“So you build this entire structure in a day?” It’s like asking the Pope if he’s Catholic. Everyone knows this is the case, but somehow, I want to hear it from Kai himself.
“Yes, we do, ma’am.” Kai twists his voice so that he sounds like a Midwesterner.
“How?” I know he won’t give me the answer. These mysteries have been unanswered for decades, and he’s surely not going to tell me everything immediately.
“We close the Title,” he says in a way that sounds completely logical.
“You close the Title?”
“Indeed.”
“Right. Well, that explains it then,” I say, and I look at Kai and then at the Arena around him. “And eh…what is the Title?”
“You might find out, or you might not. Patience, and you will receive what you need.” Kai turns around and walks toward the silver bowl and the torch. I can tell he’s amused by my curiosity.
As I swallow the rest of my questions, I follow him to the center of the Arena floor, where the sand is soft and beach-like. Kai takes off his boots and asks me to do the same. I hesitate for a moment. In contrast to the last time, when we were here for the show, it is now freezing inside the Arena.
“Don’t worry,” he encourages. “If you don’t like it, you can put your shoes back on. But bare feet have a better connection with the earth.”
A moment later, I stick my feet in the sand and am surprised to feel that the sand, which settles between my toes, is pleasantly warm. This first little bit of magic is much appreciated.
Luna is racing like a mad dog. She makes quick turns in every direction, shoots back and forth and left and right without signs of slowing down. She loves the feeling of the soft, warm sand. She did the same thing on the beach in Florida when we visited my father’s family.
Kai sets the silver bowl and torch in the middle of the Arena floor, and we sit cross-legged while facing each other. Luna finally calms down and decides that digging a hole right next to Kai is even more exciting, and soon sand flies through the air. Distressed, I jump on my dog, pull her collar, and force her to lie still.
“Luna! Ha-ha, crazy dog,” I fake-laugh.
I feel embarrassed, but Kai doesn’t seem to mind that she is disgracing the “famous performance floor.”
“It’s okay,” he says. “This floor has seen bigger paws.”
When I turn my attention back to him, I feel very awkward as he stares straight into my eyes. I start looking for a distraction but find nothing to deflect his attention from me. My brain goes into high speed: I need a distraction, something…anything…
“Cold, huh?” I suddenly say a bit louder than I wanted to.
“Difficult?” Kai asks.
“What?”
“Eye contact?”
I instantly turn red.
“I guess… Well, yes. I realize that now.”
“How do you normally deal with it?”
“I guess I like to look away.” Inside, my organs twist, and my entire body feels tense. Kai moves closer until our knees touch.
“Connection, real connection is one of the first things we are going to work on,” Kai explains. “The fact that you have difficulty keeping your eyes on mine gives me an idea of what we are going to do for the first few weeks. For your path, openness and true connection are crucial.”
“Ohh…” My path? What does he mean by that? I need to learn to stare into people’s eyes? Can’t I learn how to fly instead? I don’t like looking people in the eyes. It makes me feel uncomfortable. One of the reasons I work in a lab is so that I don’t have to be too involved with people. I don’t think there is anything wrong with that.
“You don’t like to mingle with people too much,” Kai says.
“I guess you could say I’m an introvert. I’m good on my own.”
“I see… Yes, connecting with others can be difficult. I know.”
“You know? Really? But you seem so easy with everything.”
“It’s a choice,” Kai answers. “It’s a choice that you can only see when you are truly comfortable with yourself. Being truly comfortable is a skill which takes mastery. It’s one of the hardest things to do.”
“Even for a famous Didelian performer?”
“Of course. Great popularity often goes hand in hand with great insecurity.”
“I think I am comfortable with myself,” I say. “It’s just that... Well, how can I be relaxed with you when you are reading my thoughts?”
I sound more defensive than I want, but it’s obvious that Kai knows what is going on with me internally. I have no idea how to handle it. Nobody has ever read my thoughts before. It tenses me up entirely.
“Okay, first of all, I do not exactly read your thoughts. I read your physical feelings. A physical feeling is different from a thought, though they are closely connected, and both influence one another. I can experience your feelings, but the images in your head and your thoughts are yours and yours alone. Unless you give me permission to access what you think. Without permission, I will only read your feelings. And you can’t stop me from doing it, you give all the information away freely. Second of all, you are not yet comfortable with yourself; you say you are, which is a lie you tell yourself. We are going to eliminate those lies during your time here. In Didelis, lies hold no ground; magic becomes dangerous when there are lies between us.”
“Do you feel what I feel?”
“Yes. And for now, your physical responses are more honest than your own thoughts. With your thoughts you can tell yourself things that are not correct. Humans can be incongruent. Their physical feelings can tell them one thing, while their thoughts tell them a different story. These inner incongruences, I won’t be able to detect since those happen in your mind. But what really goes on for you, your feelings, I can sense. You tell me you are comfortable with yourself, but I can sense that you are not.”
“Oh, Okay. Well, I thought I was.”
“I know. That’s an incongruity.”
“What makes you think I’m not comfortable?”
“You avoid my eyes, you stand with your shoulders hunched, chin down. You are insecure, and that feeling I can feel.”
“Ohhh…”
“Didelians’ feelings and thoughts are harmonized.”
“I’m not harmonized?”
“Not yet. But once you realize that thought affects your physical feelings, and vice versa, you will become more harmonized. Like the Didelians. Didelians are truthful to themselves. They don’t lie to themselves, and therefore understand each other by reading each other’s physical state. You will get more used to me sensing what you sense, trust me.”
I sigh. “I guess I will try.”
“Don’t guess anything. Know that you will.”
Even though I feel slightly reprimanded, Kai’s voice is very pleasant, as if he is giving friendly advice.
< Ep 14 | Table of Contents | Ep 16 >
GODYSSEY COMMUNITY
🌗 Welcome to the Community Section, a dedicated space for you to dive deeper into the GODYSSEY Episodes, share your insights, and connect with others on a similar journey. In this space, you'll find guided reading questions, reflection prompts, and a community ready to leave comments and discuss and explore the themes of GODYSSEY. Join us to enhance your reading experience, and connect with like-minded souls. 🌓
❅ This episode touches upon the themes of self-awareness, vulnerability, and the mind-body connection.
⤞ Kai’s Questions For You:
I talk about the importance of harmonizing thoughts and feelings. What do you think it means to be 'incongruent'? Do you sometimes experience a disconnect between what you think and what you feel? How do you experience this? How did that affect your behavior or decision-making?
Naran is uncomfortable with eye contact and feels tense when I read her physical feelings. How do you react when someone seems to understand you more deeply than you are comfortable with? Do you start to speak faster? Do you withdraw? Or do you have another response?
I suggest that being comfortable with oneself is a skill that requires mastery. What do you think I mean by this?
Share your answers in the comments below.
⤞ Interactive Exercise:
Practice eye contact in a safe environment, like with a close friend. (If you don’t know who to practice with, a great exercise is to practice eye contact with yourself! Try this in front of a mirror.)
During the exercise, focus on staying present and notice what thoughts or feelings arise. How did it feel to maintain eye contact? Did you notice any incongruences between your thoughts and physical feelings? Reflect on the experience and share your insights in the comments below.